No Longer Overweight

Today brought an important milestone in my journey. I am no longer overweight! I lost 2 lbs this week bringing my weight to 158 lbs and losing a total of 42 lbs total. In all of my ups and downs over the years I never thought I would see this weight again or any of the others that I have passed already. I still have the remaining 18 to lose for my overall goal of 140 lbs but each day that passes I have the knowledge that I will get there.

It has been about 2 months since I last journaled what I ate at all. This week I was pretty lazy in the beginning. I ate chocolate and some McDonald's. But then I did the right thing and said "Enough! Don't lose sight of your life long goal and get back on track". Normally if I deviate from healthy eating and exercise I have trouble getting back in the swing of things. It is getting easier and part of that is when I do eat food that is more unhealthy for me my body doesn't like it and let's me know it doesn't feel good.

I will not lie friends, the scariest part of my journey is coming up. When I reach 140 I will have to learn to maintain that weight. That is no easy feat for me. I can gain very easily and lose more easily than maintain. However my first leader in Weight Watchers years ago when I started for the first time once told me that if I thought I was never going to gain for the rest of my life that was unrealistic. At that point I told myself the hardest part is not in winning or losing but in staying with it even when it is easier to quit. Obviously over the years I had quit staying with it but no more.

Ironically I only have 3 more pounds to loose by next Saturday to reach my goal of losing 10 lbs by my birthday. At 35 I feel more confident and sure of myself than I ever have in my life. I feel more confident and sure of who I am than I did 1t 29 being a size 3. Then I used my body as a shield against the world in a different way. You can look at me but I won't let you see who I am. Today it is see me for who I am and accept the imperfections in my body that tell my life story. They say I am a mother and I am not a quitter.. two wonderful things!

No matter what your journey is, whether it is weight loss or otherwise, please don't give up for you can attain everything you dream. Thank you again for all your support and wishing everyone a happy and healthy week!

Reflection

Another week down and Easter is upon us tomorrow. Spring has arrived with beauty and the promise of more to come in the future. I am getting closer to my own goal promise to myself. I lost 1.5 this week (total of 37.5) and a 5 inches over my whole body (total of 22 inches). When I stepped on the scale this morning I weighed 162.5 and I have not weighed that since 2005. I am 3.5 lbs away from the top of my healthy weight range.

I have been doing a lot of reflection lately of all sorts. Reflection is only as effective as the inner mirror you are using. Your outer mirror can be just fine, but if your inner mirror is acting like a fun house mirror the outer one might as well be broken. My inner mirror has been horribly distorted for 5 years. I can not regret all of it. I would not have reconnected with Sid in such a way if we both hadn't realized a need in ourselves to be better and decided to do that together. I do regret the missed opportunities in those 5 years, but I can't beat myself up about it.

My weight in those 5 years was my buffer from the world. I used it to hide and say "Stay away! Do not hurt me! I am unworthy!". I feel like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly and I am now inviting life in. I am saying "I choose life, I choose hope, I choose love and I am worth it and will give it back 10 fold!". Not all of that has been met yet but for the first time in a long time I am comfortable with who I am and I am not trying to repel people anymore. I connect with people more and I am hoping in that connecting I will find someone to share my life with. If I didn't at least like myself how in the heck was someone else going to? Even if they liked what they saw it would get old having to constantly fill my need for validation and drive them away. This will be one of the hardest parts of my journey through my life.

Surround yourself with positive people in life. I am not saying walk away from the people in need in life. However you have to learn to manage the ones who are not positive. I have people right now who do not like me as much now that I am losing weight. It isn't that they don't like my outer image.. they do not like the strength I am finding in myself to not be a doormat anymore. I am starting to want for myself and if I want for myself I cannot give my all to everyone else as I have been doing. The positive people in your life understand your needs and want you to meet them. The positive people in your life can be your outer mirror when your inner one has broken or needs to be repaired.

My inner mirror has come back from the repair shop and I am learning to stand tall in it looking straight on and not just taking quick peaks and darting away. I am learning to say I look good without adding on "except for ...". I am learning that who I am enhances how I look and both are okay.

Thank you all for being my outer mirror on the times that I have looked at it and saw distortion. I am wishing you all a Happy Easter and a week filled with success, happiness and love!!