Reflection

Another week down and Easter is upon us tomorrow. Spring has arrived with beauty and the promise of more to come in the future. I am getting closer to my own goal promise to myself. I lost 1.5 this week (total of 37.5) and a 5 inches over my whole body (total of 22 inches). When I stepped on the scale this morning I weighed 162.5 and I have not weighed that since 2005. I am 3.5 lbs away from the top of my healthy weight range.

I have been doing a lot of reflection lately of all sorts. Reflection is only as effective as the inner mirror you are using. Your outer mirror can be just fine, but if your inner mirror is acting like a fun house mirror the outer one might as well be broken. My inner mirror has been horribly distorted for 5 years. I can not regret all of it. I would not have reconnected with Sid in such a way if we both hadn't realized a need in ourselves to be better and decided to do that together. I do regret the missed opportunities in those 5 years, but I can't beat myself up about it.

My weight in those 5 years was my buffer from the world. I used it to hide and say "Stay away! Do not hurt me! I am unworthy!". I feel like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly and I am now inviting life in. I am saying "I choose life, I choose hope, I choose love and I am worth it and will give it back 10 fold!". Not all of that has been met yet but for the first time in a long time I am comfortable with who I am and I am not trying to repel people anymore. I connect with people more and I am hoping in that connecting I will find someone to share my life with. If I didn't at least like myself how in the heck was someone else going to? Even if they liked what they saw it would get old having to constantly fill my need for validation and drive them away. This will be one of the hardest parts of my journey through my life.

Surround yourself with positive people in life. I am not saying walk away from the people in need in life. However you have to learn to manage the ones who are not positive. I have people right now who do not like me as much now that I am losing weight. It isn't that they don't like my outer image.. they do not like the strength I am finding in myself to not be a doormat anymore. I am starting to want for myself and if I want for myself I cannot give my all to everyone else as I have been doing. The positive people in your life understand your needs and want you to meet them. The positive people in your life can be your outer mirror when your inner one has broken or needs to be repaired.

My inner mirror has come back from the repair shop and I am learning to stand tall in it looking straight on and not just taking quick peaks and darting away. I am learning to say I look good without adding on "except for ...". I am learning that who I am enhances how I look and both are okay.

Thank you all for being my outer mirror on the times that I have looked at it and saw distortion. I am wishing you all a Happy Easter and a week filled with success, happiness and love!!