It's been a while, but I'M BACK!!!!!

Okay, okay, okay- I know- it's been WAY TOO LONG!!! But I'm back....

You know, it's interesting to note that I have fallen off the weight loss wagon, and lost lots of motivation since I stopped writing in the blog for Two Friends Journey.... Just goes to show you that journalling things is actual a way to keep on track, stay motivated, stay true and honest to yourself, and actually achieve results!

So a lot has happened since I last blogged, and it's hard to know where to start.... naturally I can't bore you with EVERYTHING that has happened over that time in this one blog, or it will go forever, but there are a few things I'd love to share with you.

Firstly, as of today I weight 85.3kg (187.5lbs). Aside from a bout of gastro, this is the lightest I have been on this journey- I'm really happy to say that today, because I was this weight over a month ago, but I put on 2kg- in the last two weeks, I've lost those 2kg to get back to the lowest weight I was.... so onwards and upwards from here!

So I would love to lost another 15kg (33lbs)- maybe even 20kg (44lbs).... but I'd be over the moon with 10kg (22lbs).... I think I've left my run a bit late in being able to make that goal by August when I head over to see CG and have our swimsuit shoot- but I'm going to give it my best shot!

Since I've blogged, I've met a boy!!! Things are going really well- and I'm not afraid to say that I can see us spending the rest of our lives together! This is exciting, and we both have very full social lives- it's surprising really that I only put on 2kg- the damage could have been much worse!!

So I've got back into the swing of 3 personal training sessions a week- my boy and I are still working on 'routine', but I plan to jog at least 2-3 times a week (if not more), and I'm trying out zumba this week, which could become a one or two weekly permanent thing if all goes well! Now I need to get right back on track with my eating habits (I'm not on a diet though, so will not be giving up on anything- just watching what I eat, when I eat and how much I eat)!

Recently I have participated in two fun runs, and have another in a few weeks- the first I jogged a whole 8km (5 miles), the next I jogged a while 10km (6.25 miles), and we're hoping to do 10km in the next one too... This really is a huge milestone for me- even in high school I was never fit enough to jog those distances- especially non-stop!

So I have lots to share with you- and I am going to use this blog as an integral ingredient in my weight loss / fitness / healthier lifestyle journey.... I will aim to write weekly again- but even if it's not weekly, it will be regularly....

All the support I can get for the second part of this journey would be appreciated.... and any comments, suggestions, advise that anyone has, I would love, love, love to hear it.... getting back on the wagon has been harder than I thought.... so for this second part, I just don't want to fall off again! :)

No Longer Overweight

Today brought an important milestone in my journey. I am no longer overweight! I lost 2 lbs this week bringing my weight to 158 lbs and losing a total of 42 lbs total. In all of my ups and downs over the years I never thought I would see this weight again or any of the others that I have passed already. I still have the remaining 18 to lose for my overall goal of 140 lbs but each day that passes I have the knowledge that I will get there.

It has been about 2 months since I last journaled what I ate at all. This week I was pretty lazy in the beginning. I ate chocolate and some McDonald's. But then I did the right thing and said "Enough! Don't lose sight of your life long goal and get back on track". Normally if I deviate from healthy eating and exercise I have trouble getting back in the swing of things. It is getting easier and part of that is when I do eat food that is more unhealthy for me my body doesn't like it and let's me know it doesn't feel good.

I will not lie friends, the scariest part of my journey is coming up. When I reach 140 I will have to learn to maintain that weight. That is no easy feat for me. I can gain very easily and lose more easily than maintain. However my first leader in Weight Watchers years ago when I started for the first time once told me that if I thought I was never going to gain for the rest of my life that was unrealistic. At that point I told myself the hardest part is not in winning or losing but in staying with it even when it is easier to quit. Obviously over the years I had quit staying with it but no more.

Ironically I only have 3 more pounds to loose by next Saturday to reach my goal of losing 10 lbs by my birthday. At 35 I feel more confident and sure of myself than I ever have in my life. I feel more confident and sure of who I am than I did 1t 29 being a size 3. Then I used my body as a shield against the world in a different way. You can look at me but I won't let you see who I am. Today it is see me for who I am and accept the imperfections in my body that tell my life story. They say I am a mother and I am not a quitter.. two wonderful things!

No matter what your journey is, whether it is weight loss or otherwise, please don't give up for you can attain everything you dream. Thank you again for all your support and wishing everyone a happy and healthy week!

Reflection

Another week down and Easter is upon us tomorrow. Spring has arrived with beauty and the promise of more to come in the future. I am getting closer to my own goal promise to myself. I lost 1.5 this week (total of 37.5) and a 5 inches over my whole body (total of 22 inches). When I stepped on the scale this morning I weighed 162.5 and I have not weighed that since 2005. I am 3.5 lbs away from the top of my healthy weight range.

I have been doing a lot of reflection lately of all sorts. Reflection is only as effective as the inner mirror you are using. Your outer mirror can be just fine, but if your inner mirror is acting like a fun house mirror the outer one might as well be broken. My inner mirror has been horribly distorted for 5 years. I can not regret all of it. I would not have reconnected with Sid in such a way if we both hadn't realized a need in ourselves to be better and decided to do that together. I do regret the missed opportunities in those 5 years, but I can't beat myself up about it.

My weight in those 5 years was my buffer from the world. I used it to hide and say "Stay away! Do not hurt me! I am unworthy!". I feel like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly and I am now inviting life in. I am saying "I choose life, I choose hope, I choose love and I am worth it and will give it back 10 fold!". Not all of that has been met yet but for the first time in a long time I am comfortable with who I am and I am not trying to repel people anymore. I connect with people more and I am hoping in that connecting I will find someone to share my life with. If I didn't at least like myself how in the heck was someone else going to? Even if they liked what they saw it would get old having to constantly fill my need for validation and drive them away. This will be one of the hardest parts of my journey through my life.

Surround yourself with positive people in life. I am not saying walk away from the people in need in life. However you have to learn to manage the ones who are not positive. I have people right now who do not like me as much now that I am losing weight. It isn't that they don't like my outer image.. they do not like the strength I am finding in myself to not be a doormat anymore. I am starting to want for myself and if I want for myself I cannot give my all to everyone else as I have been doing. The positive people in your life understand your needs and want you to meet them. The positive people in your life can be your outer mirror when your inner one has broken or needs to be repaired.

My inner mirror has come back from the repair shop and I am learning to stand tall in it looking straight on and not just taking quick peaks and darting away. I am learning to say I look good without adding on "except for ...". I am learning that who I am enhances how I look and both are okay.

Thank you all for being my outer mirror on the times that I have looked at it and saw distortion. I am wishing you all a Happy Easter and a week filled with success, happiness and love!!

Balance

So much to talk about today my friends! I had a successful weigh in this week. I lost 3.5 lbs for a total of 36 lbs overall and 3 inches off my body (most of that in my hips and thighs.. the two hardest spots!) for a total of 17 inches overall. This was a HUGE success not just for the scale going down. I have not journaled a meal in 2 weeks. I do not want to be tied down to calculating points for every bite that passes my lips for the rest of my life and I appear for now to be learning to listen to my body's signals. I took my daughter out to dinner last night and decided to splurge with the chicken strip dinner, mashed potatoes, garden salad and a Coke. I ate the salad first and was working on the potatoes when the server came over and asked me if the chicken strips were okay or did I need a take home container. It smacked me in the face that YES I did need a take home container.. my body was starting to say full already and I still had potatoes to eat. My Coke which used to be like a drug to me... drank not even a quarter of it. Next time I will just stick with water because at least that's free.. lol!

If I am going to talk about success then I need to talk about a pitfall. When I am busy and in the zone, the less I eat the less my body tells me I am hungry. When I look back on this week in my head I can see that I didn't really eat as much as I should have. My body brought this home to me in an in your face way on my walk with Roxy yesterday when I got dizzy. I went to a beautiful spot on lunch and got caught up in enjoying it and decided to use the bleachers for a little leg toning. Next thing you know I never ate lunch at all and the bowl of cereal I had at 8am finally stopped giving my body what it needed by 5pm. While I need to listen to my body I also need to remember that due to my history my body will go without food and not tell me I'm hungry if I don't pay attention.

Now I need your help everyone. I have an outing in about a month that I would like to lose 10 lbs in time for and reward myself with a new outfit. I know they say more than 2 lbs a week is not good for you but I would not have to loose much more than 2 lbs a week. Am I pushing to hard and loosing sight of the journey? It is getting harder with the end in sight, although I still haven't decided if I want to push a little farther past my original goal.

It is so hard in life to balance everything that you have to do, what you want to do and what you can do. Take time to hear the birds sing, enjoy the moment you're having instead of looking ahead to what's next and eat an unhealthy meal every once in awhile. After dinner last night my daughter said to me "Mom this was really nice. It was nice to veg out with you and just eat but not worry about it being healthy." Out of the mouth of babes as they say!

May this week bring you all success, strength, happiness, love and anything else you desire. Until then!

Half Way There

This week I lost 5 lbs! I also lost an additional 3.5 inches off my body overall. I have now lost a total of 32.5 lbs out of the 60 I would like to loose as a whole. I have had much success lately after really struggling with a mental plateau that manifested itself into a physical plateau. I feel really good about myself lately! I still struggle with accepting my body as it is and that will be a life long battle but I am getting better at loving myself. Sid and I have talked about not wanting to be single our whole lives and I am hoping my new attitude and image will lead to someone loving me someday as well all the health benefits that come with this!


I promised a before and after picture when I reached the halfway mark. I had a really hard time finding a picture of myself from around the time I started. And there were no full body pictures to be found so what I had was actually about a month before I started this journey and 10 lbs lighter but you get an idea. I am amazed at the different people I see. I was unhappy before and desperately trying to not show it. I did not allow people to see the me inside and I probably missed out on some happy moments because of it. I was still not comfortable enough to wear the tankini for my picture today but I see a happier more confident person in the after.

Thank you all again for such wonderful support on this journey and for taking it with Sid and I. It is hard to believe we are less than 6 months until Sid and I meet again in person and do our swimsuit photoshoot! Everyone have a healthy and happy week!

Spring

Spring is in the air here (at least here in the US)! There is the cleansing rains, the smell of fresh, damp, earth. Things are getting ready to come out of a winter borough and start living again.

Same here in my weight loss journey. I blogged earlier this week about starting over again. The previous week I had gained 4 lbs. I am proud to say that this week I lost 4.5 and another inch in my waist. My hips and thighs are still being stubborn but I didn't use pilates at all this week so I guess I can't be surprised. I put on my tankini the other day and that fit for the first time in 2 years! Frankly I was surprised to find I kept it but I am glad that I am. I was very active this week with walking, dancing and Zumba. Have any of you tried it yet?

I was VERY busy this week. I was buried at work but instead of letting that push me to a chocolate bar I instead was able to still keep committed to myself. I cooked dinner every night, I exercised and worked on talking positive about myself. I still feel silly when I do it but I am trying. We went to the movies last night and I managed to fend off the 3 very nice girls I had with that were pushing Twizzlers and Popcorn. (LOVE Twizzlers!)I am disappointed that I didn't get to try a new recipe this week and sorry I forgot to post one on the blog but hopefully next week will be a little better time wise.

I love summer but I am loving the "spring" feel I have right now. The feeling that I am learning about myself and hopefully making steps for my life to be complete in every way I want.

It is only 2.5 lbs until an updated picture. I don't know if I can do that all in the next week but I will try. I am not brave enough to put the tankini in the picture yet but I promise that I will post a new one soon and remember we have bathing suit shots coming up this summer when Sid and I meet again face to face!

Starting Over

Today is Monday which is a great day to start over I think! I had a not surprising gain on Saturday. I was upset and tweeted (if interested I am @mzkmkr123)about my frustration and lack of success. She is an amazing fount of positive encouragement for many (@laughitoff) who has a GREAT blog! She said for me to step back from the big picture and just aim for something small like losing 5 lbs and keeping it off. I know I have said this before but sometimes it takes another person saying it to make it hit home with me.

So today I start again and simpler. Sid I am sorry I let you down by failing at my 40 day challenge. You continue to inspire me with your dedication and success. You do not lose sight of what you want and how to get there!!

In keeping with starting over and keeping it simple I went back to something basic. I cooked dinner for the first time in a week. I made the Cashew Chicken with Rice recipe. We left off the cashews but it was amazing! (Leftovers tonight) A great way to have a Chinese dish without the 5 lb sodium bloat the next day. My daughter had complained about rice and celery but wound up liking it. And it was music to my ears to hear "Mom have you tried the bamboo shoots? They're great!".

We cleaned house top to bottom yesterday and I reconnected with a "simple" exercise. My daughter washed the floor and I dried it with a towel afterwards. Place the towel on the floor, step on towel and duck walk(quacking optional!)entire area to be dried. Simple pilates all!!

So I am happy this Monday to be recommitting to myself (I feel like a broken record) and I am asking all of you for a favor. If you don't hear from me how things are going please kick me ok?

Hoping this Monday finds you all relaxed and ready for a fantastic week!