- Continuing the health kick I have been on, and achieve a target weight of 70kg (about 155lbs)
- Find a new job that is rewarding, diverse, interesting, and close to home (oh and that pays well)
- To date more
- To remove my eye make-up every night (this one I am NOT doing a very good job at!!)
- To save money so that I not only can have my trip to the USA and my cruise in November, but also so that I can have around $10,00 in savings (I really need the new job to make this one happen!!!)
So, I have so much to write about.... In true Sid style, I'm bound to write a novel!! I've been away for most of the Christmas and New Year period- being summer in Australia, it's the perfect time to take a break to the beach and enjoy the public holidays, good company, sunshine, sand and surf!! The break has meant that returning to work has been draining- not only physically, but also mentally as the politics in the office go to a new low!!! Truthfully I'm not in a great mood today- and it all started after bouncing into the office first thing, and then feeling the vibe and being made to feel crap within the first three minutes!!! Grrrrrrr.....
So tonight when I went to my personal training session, I really gave it everything I had- you should have seen how strong my push ups were- however I was also measured today too. My trainer measures us monthly- apparently I have only lost about 2cm from my whole body (just over half and inch)- geez that made me mad... How can it be so??? I have done a complete turn around since yesterday morning when I discovered that over the Christmas break I had lost 300 grams (0.7lbs)- I was so thrilled with that- I did not put on, even after chocolates, bbqs, ice cream, numerous servings of Christmas Pudding, even fish and chips.... but I know that I have been so concious of what I have been eating, and how much exercise I have been doing, that the 300 grams lost was a great reward! But then to only have lost 2cm... Grrrrrrr.... :(
Anyway- on another positive note- I have dropped a dress size!! I was a size 18 (Au) for the longest time, and on the weekend I bought a pair of jeans (for $19.95) off a sale rack (that would usually be for size 8s!!) from Just Jeans (a 'smaller person's' jeans shop)- they were a size 16, and they fit like a glove!! My best friend has had to take them up for me, when she saw them on me she said "Somehow, I don't think these are going to fit you for much longer"!! I'm sure she's right!!! And as if that wasn't exciting enough, there was a dress in a store that I had been eyeing off for days, but for $55 I just wasn't prepared to buy it- besides the biggest size they had was a size 14!! But when I saw that it was 30% off, I knew I had to try that 14 on.... my mentality was that there was no way a size 14 would fit, so by trying it on I would let go of the desire to have it..... BUT- I tried it on, and it fit.... in fact it fits really well.... so I had to buy it!!! Two bargains, two smaller sizes= BONUS!!!
My trainer and I had a big talk the other week about self perception.... It's only been recently that I have really started to listen to the horrible things I call myself, and the horrible things I say to myself! I was just as surprised as I'm sure you would be, to realise that I was calling myself things like 'fat pig', 'fatty bumba', 'lard ass', and I would look at myself in absolute disgust and criticise myself for eating chocolate, or pigging out on a meal, or not going for a walk- so much so that I probably was driving myself to emotional eat, just so that I could hate myself and sabotage myself more.... Kelly (my trainer) asked me if I would ever say those things about any of my friends... of course my answer was NO WAY... then she asked if any of my friends would say that about me- my answer was 'No, of course not' (although that horribe voice in my head was quietly saying that they might be thinking it- although realistically I know that they wouldn't be)!! Why do we do that to ourselves- is it the media that makes us be so horrible to ourselves? Is it our family? Is it from abuse that we don't even remember? Is it from a boyfriend that was mean to us? Is it from not achieving our goals, and looking for answers, and thinking those answers were because it was us that didn't push hard enough, so this is our punishment?? I don't know what it was- but as Kelly said, you have to start being kind to yourself. Look in the mirror, and see the good parts, notice the changes that you like- for example, start by noticing how nice your shoulders look this week- maybe next week you might notice that your back is looking nicer etc- just start noticing the things that others see in you. She also suggested that positive affirmations are priceless and effective- she told me to say things like "I AM 70kgs", "I AM size 12" etc.... I think I'm going to write some of these affirmations and stick them to my bathroom mirror....
That brings me to my next story.... We had a girls night at the RSL on Saturday night (6 of us from the Caravan Park). It was a fun night (like it always is)... to watch the calories, I drank vodka with soda water, lime and bitters.... Anyway, my friend was showing the other girls the photo she has on her facebook profile. It was taken a few years ago, at a time when she was dieting, and had gone and had her make up and hair done for an evening event. She is a great looking girl, but this photo is a stunning picture of her. As she was showing the girls, they were gaping, uncertain that what they were seeing was really a photo of my friend... My friend loved their gaping. Seeing their response made me want to show them the photo on my profile (the same one I use on my blog)- this is one of my all time favourite photos of myself- I actually like looking at it, and think I look good in it!!!! So I showed the girls, to which they all looked at me dumbfounded, and each of them said that that is exactly what I look like all the time! I could NOT believe they were saying that. These girls see me with no make up, no hair styled, in jeans and tees (or bathers = aussie term for swimsuit). Each of them without provocation was saying with conviction that the photo I had shown them was me- and that I am beautiful. They couldn't believe that I didn't realise that I was so beautiful- they said not only physically, but also on the inside. WOW- what an amazing compliment. Of course I don't fully believe them, I'm sure they were just being nice- but it made me realise that the way we see ourselves can be SO different from the way other people see you. You think you know yourself better than anyone, but perhaps in many circumstances we underestimate ourselves when others see the true value in us....... I can't help but still feel like a bit of an ugly duckling, but I will always remember their kind words and their reaction- it will go towards building up a stronger person and improving my self confidence and ego!
Time for another entry I think... give you a break from this long rambling one!!
Happy New Year! I hope you enjoy following our journey- both Curvy Girl and I are so excited about the way we are going to look and feel during this year. We both have some exciting goals and plans set out, and we hope we can motivate our friends, families and followers whilst we continue on our journey!
Sid you are beautiful but I understand where you are coming from as I suffer from the same condition. If people are staring I feel it is because of me, not that I look good but that I look horrible. This is a BIG hold back for me in the dating area I am hoping to overcome. So lovely you are Sid!
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